I'm sure you'll eventually figure out what I'm all about.
Yuck. These situations are the worst (okay not really the worst, but they suck). My HONEST opinion would be to just slowly back off. Four years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and a two week “break” isn’t nearly enough time to clear your head before getting into a new relationship. I don’t know their relationship and I don’t know your relationship but I know it’s easy to already be emotionally deep even after a couple months, so imagine adding 4 years onto that. He PROBABLY doesn’t want a relationship. Again, I don’t want to speak for this guy, I am just giving advice from my own experience. When you are with the same person for that long and you break up, you either are probably still pretty upset deep down about the ending of a relationship and/or you want to finally “be single”. I doubt he really wants to go from one relationship and dive into another. It absolutely sucks when you guys have a lot of chemistry, but it probably scares him to see him already invested and devoted to someone else. It’s probably best to see where you guys stand. You don’t want to make any decisions without knowing his side of things. It sucks when you have to get straight forward answers like, “is this just a fling for you?” or “I understand that you just came out of a break up, are you wanting/needing to just have your own space and be single?” Those might feel like you’re prying but if he is giving you something to chase, then your own feelings are now involved and it’s only fair for BOTH of you. If he does want to be single, as hard as it may be, know that it is best for both of you. Imagine diving into a relationship with you two weeks after the break up, and half way through he has this sudden urge to do his own thing leaving you in the dust after investing time and emotion. If you really do have a good connection, continue to hang out and do your own thing and hopefully he will finally come around. The reason why I suggest having a straightforward talk is so that if he wants to be single, he has to realize that’s you being single. It’s not fair for him to go out with other girls while you’re sitting on the sidelines waiting for him. If he isn’t okay with you going out with other guys, then you need to really come to some agreements with one another.
That is a good question. I know that girls and guys think differently, so what seems to us to be absolutely absurd, may seem completely reasonable to them. I don’t know if the phrase “you deserve better” coms up because they feel guilty about something and that’s their way for sugar coating something or if they truly feel like you deserve something better. Sometimes what they think we “deserve” is not what we want. Like a previous post, if someone wants to focus on their future so they end a relationship because they feel they can’t give what you want…they may not realize that you’re willing to make those sacrifices for them. It’s even more confusing when they hint that you are “the one”. I guess my best advice would be to just let them know how you truly feel and if you really are willing to make dedicated compromises and sacrifices, tell them. If it doesn’t work, then now isn’t the time. They may come around later, or you may find someone who is a better fit for you. I thought I was going to end up with this person at one point in my life. It didn’t work out and I’m still happy. It’s hard to see the good in things but know that you’ll find it once the smoke clears away.
Peer pressure drives us to do things that we wouldn’t typically do on our own. People (and our friends) will always joke and tease with us for one reason or another. I wouldn’t recommend doing something like this just to “get it over and done with”. Guys like to talk, brag, and worst of all, exaggerate. Not all of them, but a lot of them. I used to look for all these qualities in a guy, and as I’ve dated, I have learned that my list has changed. One of the most important things is respect. I don’t want to sound like a mom, this is advice from a 24 year old girl, who has talked to a lot of her friends about this as well. I have no idea how old you are, but things seemed a lot different years ago then how they are now that I’m older. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it no matter WHO is giving you a problem. You wouldn’t wear a bad outfit just because your friends told you to. You wouldn’t choose a specific career just because your friends told you to. Again, I don’t want to sound like a mom, but we are individuals and as we get older we take different paths. It’s nice to have input and opinions, but you should really only do what YOU want.
Jeez…first of all, what a prick. In the real world, people don’t get in relationships to have sex. They get in relationships when they have a connection with another person. It really upsets me when guys give a girl the shaft (not literally) when they won’t give them what they want, physically. I’ve talked to some guys about this before because I hate hearing the guy say, “I don’t want to end up with a girl who has slept around” when they are the guy making girls feel like they need to sleep with them for them to stick around. I have had this talk…a hundred times with girls and my advice is to not hook up with someone out of pressure. You will gain SO much respect for yourself if you just hold to your guns. If you feel pressured to go further with someone and you literally don’t know how to get out, stop them and say “look, I don’t want to go any further than this”. If they truly care, they’ll stop there. If they try to make you feel like an idiot then this is where you need to gather all your confidence and just say, “I have respect for myself and I don’t want to go any further so if you can’t find respect for me then it’s probably best that I go altogether”. Obviously, you don’t need to say this word for word but you’re going to meet the jerks that try to bring you down or may even make fun of you in front of others. Just remember you rejected THEM (this is in the case where they are not understanding of your request).
With that said, it’s hard to not have feelings for these people (yes, even the jerks). Because fact of the matter is, you were in a relationship for who they are, not what you expected from them. So you probably invested more feelings into them. Guys have a way with words sometimes and they know EXACTLY what to say to have us stick around and fall even more under their spell. Unfortunately, they do it because they aren’t into it as much they say but they want us to stick around for one reason or another so they fill our heads with the sweetest things making us feel on top of the world. If I were you, I would let him go and do your own thing. If he really values you, he will realize it and want to give it another shot, or take things slowly and at your pace. If he doesn’t come around, be thankful you didn’t go further with someone like him. Good luck!
Long distance relationships…are NOT easy. If you find someone that you think is worth the sacrifice..more yet, someone you can’t live without, you make it work. To me, the biggest factors in keeping it healthy are trust, communication, and compromise. For starters, if you can’t trust the person, you’ll always be wondering what is happening in their life while you’re so far away. Trust goes hand in hand in honesty. If something does happen, or you feel like something may happen, instead of waiting and seeing…it’s probably best to just be honest and communicate. Which brings me to the next point. Communication. Not only does this mean communicate your feelings and thoughts, but make time to communicate in general. I totally understand different time zones, different schedules, other priorities, but if you’re hoping to eventually reunite with this person, make sure you are still making them a priority. You may have had a busy week, but how hard is it to put 30 minutes aside for a call or FaceTime. Text messaging is nice because it’s convenient for both of you, but you can’t base a relationship on test messages. I would include sacrifice in the list as well. Lastly (for now), compromise. There will be many disagreements involved and instead of always winning, start to discuss and compromise and come to agreements rather than always putting your foot down. You guys may have different perspectives on things, but you have to put yourselves in one another’s shoes. I’m extremely thankful for how things worked out in my life so that I was able to come over here for so long because being here has made it so much easier. I still have a good amount of time away once I go back home (which I am not looking forward to). Just remember what’s important in your relationship and remember that you made the sacrifice to do long distance for a reason…or should I say, for someone.
I have never gotten my teeth professionally whitened. I use mouth wash religiously just because I like having fresh breath. I have tried a few different whitening mouthwashes, and my favorite is Crest Glamorous. I have used it for the past 7 years. Just be careful because you don’t want to strip away your enamel. I used to use it way more than I should, but now I usually use it before bed and use the purple one with other brushes. Also try drinking dark beverages with a straw so it doesn’t stain your teeth as much!
I use dry shampoo quite a bit but after awhile my hair starts to feel gross. I looked up a couple websites and found this. I haven’t tried any of these but I will when I get back to the states. These are the ones I would probably give a shot:
No. 2: Rinse with vinegar
“I rinse my hair with vinegar to get rid of oil and residue, and then apply a fruity shampoo to get rid of the smell.” — Grass (Yes, that’s her real name)
Here’s why it works: Applying things like vinegar, tea, and diluted lemon juice to your scalp definitely helps cut the oil, say hairstylist Sherri Jessee of Sherri Jessee Salon. That’s because these products contain tannic acid, a natural astringent, which leaves the hair clean but doesn’t completely strip it (you do need a little oil after all).
No. 3: Put oatmeal on your scalp
“I make some oatmeal (the apple cinnamon one [has] the best smell) and let it cool. Then I rub a generous amount onto my scalp and rinse it out.” — Grace M.
Here’s why it works: ”Oatmeal is a great treatment for oily hair,” says David. Its thick consistency helps soak up the oil from your roots. Not to mention, it also exfoliates your scalp and soothes itchiness. If you’re in a rush and have no time to cook up some oats or hop in the shower, sprinkle dry oatmeal onto your scalp to soak up any oil, and brush it out.
No. 5: Look for minty products
“I make my own minty hair rinse by boiling a handful of mint leaves. When it cools, I pour the entire mixture over my hair for a tingly sensation.” — Sarah K.
Here’s why it works: Mint is a great way to refresh limp hair, says Jessee. For a similar result (if you’re not into the DIY method), use a shampoo containing tea tree oil, like Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Special Shampoo, $26. The herbal extract mimics the effect of mint, and works as an invigorating astringent to remove excess build up on your scalp. If you have a specific area, like your bangs, that always gets oily, “mix some witch hazel with water in a spray bottle and mist the area before styling,” says celebrity hairstylist Andi Scarbrough of Byu-Ti Salon.
There are a few others at this website but these are the one’s that I’ll try!